Guilt - Part 1

Guilt - Part 1




A/N: You might wanna read my other story, "The Only One He Ever Loved" before you read this, as it is a sequel to it, after all.

He knocked back the bottle of Jack Daniels, draining it in one skilful swallow, before setting it next to the other empty two lying on the kitchen worktop. Tasting the sharp, sour bourbon on his tongue, he stumbled over to the drawer, yanking it open and pulling out the box of Valium tablets. He hastily swallowed four, and slumped to the floor in a drugged out haze.

It wasn't working. He was remembering.

Axl Rose was remembering.

*

"Uhhh...g'morning guys..." Axl yawned widely as he trudged into the kitchen area, pushing his long red hair out of his sleepy dark eyes. "Where to today?" he asked, kissing his partner Slash good morning.

"Hey dude. Well, how about we just hit the city? We've got the whole day ahead of us before the gig tonight, so..." Duff McKagan stood at the large kitchenette unit in the hotel suite the five men were staying in, expertly making a full English breakfast with his lanky blonde hair tied back away from his face.

"You mean, like...touristy-type stuff?" Matt Sorum asked disdainfully from the settee facing the TV.

"Sure. I don't mind, as long as I get a McRib sandwich from McDonalds for my lunch..." Slash stood up and stretched gracefully, then sat down again, attacking his wild black curls with a hairbrush.

Axl playfully pinched Slash's leg. "You've not even had breakfast and you're already thinking about lunch, you greedy bastard!"

Slash grinned, hazel eyes glittering. "Well, I gotta keep this fat ass in shgape somehow!"

"Fat ass, my ass!"

"Your ass isn't fat! I happen to like your sexy little ass, Rose!"

"When you ladies are quite finished..."Matt interrupted with a smirk. "How about one of you go and wake up Izzy? Breakfast is almost ready, anyway."

Axl and Slash exchanged a look, remembering their late-night discussion last night. Axl stood up. "I'll go." he volunteered, heading through to Izzy's room.

Duff looked at Slash expectantly when he was gone. "Does he know?"

"About Izzy? Yeah..." Slash lit up a cigarette and dragged on it deeply. "And he found out in the worst possible way..."

"What, did Izzy confess to him at the bar last night, or something?" Matt asked.

"Nailed it."

"And...?"

"Axl rejected him...told him I was his only love."

"Fucking hell...Duff shook his head in exasperation. "Izzy's an idiot..."

"I know" Slash agreed. "I just hope he doesn't try anything funny when Axl wakes him up, like try and rape him, or something..."

"You're so funny sometimes." Duff replied sarcastically.

Slash smiled. "Aren't I just?"



"Izzy?" Axl whispered, creeping into the dark room. "You awake...?" The chill coming from the wide open window told Axl something bad had happened, since Izzy wasn't here. He noticed a small piece of paper lying on the floor, and hurried over to it. He picked it up and quickly read it:

Dear guys,
I'm sorry for everything I've put you through for the past while, you don't deserve it, and it's gonna stop for good.
Duff, I know you were right, as you always were, but I'm sorry, I can't move on. Matt, my apologies for taking out all my bad moods on you, you're a great guy and I love you really.
Slash, take care of Axl. I can see you two will have a happy life together.
Axl, I'll always love you.
Take care guys, it's been nice knowing you.
Lots of love,
Izzy xxx

"Take care...can't move on...no way..."Axl reeled in shock. He raced over to the window and leant out. "Izzy???" he yelled out, "Where are you?!" he looked down, and the awful realisation that Izzy hadn't run away finally dawned on him. There, fifty feet down on the pavement below, lay Izzy's broken, mangled, lifeless body.

Axl slid to the floor with his back against the wall, hugged his knees and let out one long anguished howl of pain.

Izzy Stradlin, his best friend, was dead.

And it was all his fault.

*

"No...god, please, no..." Axl clutched his head as the memories of that fateful day two years ago came flooding back. "Stop...go away..." he choked out, feeling the bile rise in his throat. "HElp me...please..."

"Axl?" Slash's voice drifted into the kitchen as he let himself into the spacious apartment the pair shared. "Where are you, m'love?"

Slash. Oh how Axl loved him. But that love had taken his best friend's life, so it wasn't fair at all. It was all Axl's fault, it was entirely his doing. He should have been the one to die that day, not Izzy!

Slash came into the kitchen, and felt his heart break at he saw his beloved Axl in a strung-out, tearful state on the floor. "Oh, Axl..." Slash crouched down next to him and hugged him tight.

"It...it's all my fault, Slash..." Axl hiccuped through his tears. "I killed him...I'm evil, I'm a murderer..."

"Sssshhh. No you aren't." Slash soothed. "It was nobody's fault, not yours, not Izzy's, not anyone's..."

"But it was! It was all mine!" Axl wept.

"No it wasn't. Come on, stop it. Off to bed for a while, and calm down..." Slash scooped up Axl's thin frame in his arms and carried him through into the bedroom, maying him down on the bed the two shared. "Sleep for a while, and I'll make dinner, okay?"

"Okay..." Axl smiled and kissed Slash gently, before snuggling down in bed. He waited till Slash left the room, then turned on his back and stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. Why did Slash stay with an evil murderer like him? Murderers don't deserve to be happy, do they? They aren't entitled to live happy lives. They've taken other people's lives, so they themselves deserve to die.

Deserve to die...those words had a nice ring to them. As sleep began to overwhelm his thoughts, a plan began formulating in Axl's mind, a plan that would fix everything.

*

"I'm going out for a while." Axl tied his favourite navy bandanna round his head the next morning. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Huh? Oh...okay." Slash looked up from his breakfast, startled, as Axl disappeared out the door of the apartment.
Axl strolled casually down the stairs of the building, and eventually emerged in the unforgiving Los Angeles sunshine. He stuck his hands in his pockets and began to walk round the corner into the next block. As soon as he was out of sight of the apartment, he turned and began to run, heading for the railway track.

Axl had timed it perfectly. By the time he arrived at the railway line at five minutes to eleven, it was deserted and he was left with five minutes before the supply train carrying huge quantities of coal and iron came thundering past. He untied his bandanna and knotted it round one of the posts serving as a part of a fence. He heard a rumble in the distance, and stared up at the bright blue sky, tears in his eyes.

The rumbling began to get louder, and he quickly scrambled over the wires and stood in the middle of the track, clasping his hands and whispering, "It's what I deserve..."

The train hurtled past, and the last thing Axl heard was a roar, a crack like a gunshot, then a peaceful silence.